Shame Does Not Come from God
As I read this week about Adam and Eve hiding from God, I recognized the impulse and the shame that drives us into isolation. God’s query “Who told thee thou wast naked?” goes unanswered in the scriptural account, but the voice of the accuser is clearly evident in the shame Adam and Eve feel—I also know that voice, and today I’m sharing a excerpt from Tender Leaves of Hope that describes a portion of my journey to overcome it. I also talk about that journey out of shame in more depth during my Questions from the Closet episode.
Learn more about “Tender Leaves of Hope: Finding Belonging as LGBTQ Latter-day Saint Women
Shame is evident as a tool of the adversary in Revelation 12:10-11: “And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.”
I know that accusing voice. I have internalized it and believed it. This information in the New Testament Student Manual for Institute classes helped me begin to recognize and reject those accusations:
The name-title “Satan” comes from a Hebrew verb meaning “to accuse,” “to slander,” or “to be an adversary.” Thus, the title “accuser” (Revelation 12:10) reflects Satan’s efforts as the adversary of the human family, charging people with sin. …Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles discussed Satan’s title of “accuser”: “The scriptures call him the ‘accuser’ because he wants us to feel that we are beyond forgiveness (see Revelation 12:10). Satan wants us to think that when we have sinned we have gone past a ‘point of no return’—that it is too late to change our course” (“Point of Safe Return,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2007, 99). The phrase “day and night” (Revelation 12:10) reinforces that Satan does not cease his effort to destroy the disciples of Jesus Christ.[i]
The voice of the accuser has accused me day and night, but not before a judge as gentle as our God; he has accused me to myself, where he found a jury eager to convict and a judge quick to condemn. Convincing me of my own worthlessness is a perfect way to stop my progression and destroy my hope.
I didn’t acknowledge or admit my attraction to women until after my children were adults, even though that attraction to girls started when I was a teenager. I was in denial for years, but shame still oozed into all the crevices of my life, and when my children were young, I found myself convinced that my husband and children would be better off without me.
I had moved beyond shame and into a suicidal depression. Loving voices, medication, and counseling diminished the depression that almost killed me. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy enabled me to recognize and reject distorted thinking. Yet shame still hung on; it was the soundtrack of my life for many more years.
The twelfth chapter of Revelation teaches the difference between God’s voice and the voice of the accuser. It is easy to listen to the constant, deafening voice of shame. It takes effort to turn to God and invite His quiet and loving voice instead. In Revelations 12:11 we are shown how the children of God can reject the power of the accuser’s voice: “…they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimonies.” My witness of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is more powerful than the lies of the adversary.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell taught:
[Many] of us who would not chastise a neighbor for his frailties have a field day with our own. Some of us stand before no harsher a judge than ourselves… Fortunately, the Lord loves us [much] more than we love ourselves. What can we do to manage these vexing feelings of inadequacy? We can distinguish more clearly between...dissatisfaction with self and disdain for self. We need the first and must shun the second. He who was thrust down in the first estate delights to have us put ourselves down. Self-contempt is of Satan; there is none of it in heaven.[ii]
God may show me my sins, but it is always combined with hope in Christ, the assurance that I can change and do better, and the invitation to come to Him and be healed. The accuser offers no hope, only despair. This is my measure, the rule by which I decide whether or not to listen: If the awareness of my failings comes with hope in Christ, I turn to Him and listen. If shame tells me instead that I will never be good enough; I am not worthy; I am too broken to be fixed; and God’s grace is not meant for such as I—I know that Satanic voice. He is a liar from the beginning, and I refuse to listen anymore.
[i] https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/new-testament-student-manual/revelation/chapter-55-revelation-12-16?lang=eng
[ii] Elder Neal A. Maxwell. “Notwithstanding My Weakness.” Ensign, Nov 1976.
